6 Tips for Being a Harmonious Couple in Islam, Far from Comparing Attitudes.

6 Tips for Being a Harmonious Couple in Islam, Far from Comparing Attitudes. On the TikTok platform, various video clips depict how husbands and wives interact with each other. The captions are captivating, such as “This is how my husband treats me” or other phrases highlighting elements of marital existence. Rather than appreciating their partners, the prevalence of such content often prompts couples, particularly wives, to juxtapose their marital experiences with those in the videos, leading to discomfort for their partners.

What is Islam’s perspective on couples who frequently assess their partners against others? What suggestions exist for maintaining a relationship where gratitude is consistently expressed towards one another?

It is crucial to recognize that in the realm of marriage, no couple achieves perfection. Each partnership has its unique flaws, which should be approached thoughtfully instead of compared to others. Islam regards the marital union as a profound commitment (mitsaqan ghalizha) that warrants serious consideration.

There exists a sacred promise between the bride and groom, along with solemn agreements that were established at the outset as a commitment to steer the vessel of marriage. Naturally, a marriage should ideally stem from a clear understanding between both individuals, ensuring their lives together are not measured against the experiences of others.

With this in mind, here are some recommendations the author provides to foster unity among couples in accordance with Islamic principles:

1. Emphasize the Positives, Not the Negatives. In the relationship between husband and wife, marriage is a hallowed connection between two individuals who have chosen to dedicate themselves to building a life together. Thus, it is fitting for each couple to honor their partner by recognizing their strengths and supporting them in areas of improvement. Allah states in Surat An-Nisa verse 19:

وَعَاشِرُوْهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوْفِۚ

Meaning: “Treat them in a manner befitting them.” (QS An-Nisa: 19).

Imam At-Thabari explains that the meaning of the above verse is a command to focus on one’s spouse by accompanying and complementing each other. At-Thabari said:

وعاشروهن بالمعروف، وخالقوا، أيها الرجال، نساءكم وصاحبوهن “بالمعروف”، يعني بما أمرتكم به من المصاحبة

Meaning: “Treat them in a manner befitting their status, meaning treat your wives and accompany them in a manner befitting their status, as I (Allah) have commanded you.” (Jami’ul Bayan, [Mecca, Dar At-Turabiyah At-Turats: tt], vol. VIII, p. 121).

Although the address of the verse is directed at husbands, the wording used is mu’asyarah, which implies mutuality. This means it is important for wives to treat their husbands well, just as husbands are commanded to treat their wives well.

2. Express Gratitude To foster a peaceful family dynamic, married couples ought to appreciate one another’s contributions. Although they may appear insignificant, these minor acts can bring joy to a partner. Bringing joy to a spouse is a goodwill act promoted in Islam.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) stated:

خيركم خيركم لأهله

Meaning: “The best among you are those who are good to their wives.” (HR At-Tirmidzi).

3. Avoid Comparison To deepen the connection of love and sustain tranquility in the home, both individuals must embrace gratitude. Being a thankful couple not only enhances personal contentment but also serves as a form of devotion to Allah SWT.

4. Nurture Patience In family life, challenges are bound to arise. These conflicts should be addressed calmly and rationally. Particularly for the husband, who should maintain order in the household. It is fitting to nurture compassion and patience toward one’s partner, as demonstrated by the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) while facing the trials of family life.

Al-Ghazali explains:

واعلم أنه ليس حسن الخلق معها كف الأذى عنها, بل احتمال الأذى منها, والحلم عند طيشها وغضبها, اقتداء برسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم

Meaning: “Know that good character toward one’s spouse is not merely refraining from harming them, but also bearing their pain, showing compassion toward them when they are angry, as exemplified by the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). (Ihya’ Ulumiddin, [Jeddah, Darul Minhaj: 2011], Volume III, page 175).

5. Increase Prayers and Remembrance for Your Partner To achieve a harmonious relationship, it is vital to consistently pray for your partner to be a good companion, for themselves, their family, and their children. Prayer is the foremost tool of Muslims, and through it, one acknowledges their status as His servants who lack control over all endeavors to create a peaceful household.

Allah states in Surat Al-Furqan, verse 74:

وَالَّذِيْنَ يَقُوْلُوْنَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ اَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيّٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ اَعْيُنٍ وَّاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِيْنَ اِمَامًا

Meaning: “And those who say, ‘Our Lord, grant us comfort from our spouses and offspring, and make us leaders for the righteous.’” (QS Al-Furqan: 74).

6. Meeting Rights and Duties with Integrity The last suggestion for fostering a harmonious partnership is to properly and sincerely fulfill the rights and duties of husband and wife. Do not overlook your responsibilities as a couple, nor should you evade them. For everyone will be held accountable in the hereafter.

Al-Ghazali said:

وفي هذا أيضاً خطر لأنه راع ومسئول عن رعيته وقال صلى الله عليه وسلم كفى بالمرء إثماً أن يضيع من يعول وروي أن الهارب من عياله بمنزلة العبد الهارب الآبق لا تقبل له صلاة ولا صيام حتى يرجع إليهم ومن يقصر عن القيام بحقهن وإن كان حاضراً فهو بمنزلة هارب

Meaning: “In this case, there is danger, because every leader will be held accountable for what he leads. The Prophet Muhammad said, ”A person who neglects his family is a sinner.”

It is said that a person who shirks his responsibilities toward his family is akin to a slave fleeing from his master. His prayers and fasting will not be accepted until he meets his obligations. One who neglects his partner’s rights, even if he is physically present, is compared to a runaway slave from his master. (Al-Ghazali, 141).

In summary, seeking an ideal partner and drawing comparisons with others betrays the sacred marriage vows that have been exchanged. Muslims ought to remain focused on their partner who has committed to a life together in matrimony.